been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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