and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
