My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
