Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
