Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
