so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
