i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
