Welp...herpes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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