just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
