That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
