Moan for me like Helen Keller
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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