So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
