I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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