Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
