i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
