Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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