I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
