I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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