I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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