I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
