So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
