if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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