my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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