i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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