Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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