are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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