he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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