Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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