Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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