a queef is a wish your heart makes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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