i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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