I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
