why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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