Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
