Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
