Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Shame - the story of my life.
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