i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
