remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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