I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize