I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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