saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
