i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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