I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
