Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The air was thick with penises
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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