this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
