there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
