Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
