we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
