I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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