We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize