FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
