i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
