Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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