Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
