I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
