just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
