Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
