God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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