You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
