it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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