Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
