Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
