Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
