Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pooping to opera.
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