the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
