I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
