if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
