Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize