were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
