I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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