I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
