I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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