I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
