Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
