Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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