I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize