I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
