this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
