Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
