Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
