all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
