we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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