PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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