fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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