All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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