And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
