I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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