Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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