ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
