my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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