we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
