i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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