I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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