Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
