Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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