I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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