just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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