Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
