they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
