Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
