fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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