how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
