I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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