tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
