There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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