But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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